Disco NT
Disco NT
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| The World of "The Lard of The Dance (Lap)"You know, there is a time in life, for the male of the species, that is often referred to as the "Mid Life Crisis". An odd term when you think about it. If, as is generally accepted, you can die at any time, how do you know when you are half way through? Well I guess it must be when you reach the "Mid Life Crisis" which becomes a self defining term. This time of life is characterised by odd and obsessive behaviour. The reasons are obscure at best and are only understood by those with multiple degrees in Psychology or a good understanding of Soap Operas. But the up side is that if you are male and manage to correctly identify the time when you achieve this legendary state, you can work out how long you are going to spin the merry dance of life. For me, this means the final curtain will drop when I am 84 as I have now managed, at the age of 42, to recognise the tell-tale signs of the stupidity that dangles and plays in my mind and waves the very large warning flag that bears the slogan "You stupid Pratt, what the hell are you doing". The particular brand of stupidity adopted by one that reaches "Mid Life Crisis" will vary from one tormented soul to another. But because we who suffer are male it will almost certainly have some degree of sexual content. I can now move on to explain my predicament. Only today have I come to realise that I have "A Problem" when I came to add up the amount of cash I have spent in the last two months on what I have come to convince myself was just a new hobby. Of course, the mental state that I am in forces me to continue and enjoy my current interest in the new hobby while at the same time recognising the possibility that it is just "Mid Life Crisis" stuff. So I must conclude that, whatever the reasons, I am engulfed, enraptured and enjoying the madness that I have. The madness itself? Lap dance clubs. Can we take a small mental detour for while? While I logically admit to the Mid Life stuff, by its very nature I must emotionally deny it's effects and construct a whole false epiphysis to justify what I am doing. Mustn't I? In order to build an alternate reality for any self conjured delusion the best place to look is externally. To find something external that forces one to do what one does. If your looking for "external" I don't think you can do better than something a large as the whole universe. With the weight of the whole universe pressing down on you, you would be utterly powerless to do any else than what the universe wants you to do. To misquote the late Douglas Adams epic Hitch Hikers Guild to the Universe.... "The universe is big, really big. You may thinks it's a long way down to the shops but....". So the point is, this is a "BIG" thing with lots of stars, planets and big big big spaces full of lots of little stuff. Stuff every where and every time. Too much stuff to count so you have to come to terms with it with feelings rather than thought. An emotional rather than rational view of reality is required. Just the sort of thing that the Doctor ordered to prop up emotional denial of the Mid Life stuff. If you want a rational view on the universe choose Astronomy but if you want the irrational touchy-feely view, choose Astrology. Then add a little twist of reason and bingo, it all falls into place. How Astrology works. Enter the circus side show tent of crystal gazing and palm reading and you will find a body of people who will tell you that the position of the stars and planets affect your future but they only look at the local back yard of the universe that we, on planet Earth, live in. If they are correct then the whole rest of the stuff in the skies must also have an effect because there is much much more up there that we cannot see, than we can see. So all that other stuff will have a bigger influence. And if you cannot see it how can you include it in your predictions? Well you can't. Which means the predictions of your future cannot be correct. The other side of Astrology is making assessments of people's character and nature based on which Star Sign they are born under. I think they have a point here but not because the celestial bodies influence you but because all that stuff up there is the biggest clock going. It tells the time and the date. There are known patterns to human life over all sorts of different time scales and periods. Sleeping and waking, menstrual periods, biorhythms, the seasons, breathing and heart beats to name but just a few. When you are born, relative to all these cycles must have an effect on you as a human being. That's my contention anyway. Which means there should be a significant correlation between when your are born (your Star Sign) and your character. So there you have it, if I can find a reason in the Astrologer's profile of my character for my love of Lap Dance clubs then the whole thing falls into place and I can carry on without the paranoia associated with thinking about it too much. The scene is set. After much Googling around the net and finding Astrological character assessments I found one that fits the bill at "Jonathon Cainer's Zodiac Forecasts" site in the "Astro Love Computer" section. I am an Aquarian which makes me part of the "Fixed" group of Star Signs. When I read on, I found the following; "These are what astrologers call the Fixed signs. All four of them have the capacity to dig in their heels and wait for what they want... no matter how long it takes. Their memories are as long as their hearts are passionate. They are, between them, the zodiac's most unashamedly sexiest signs. What? Even the Aquarians, who are allegedly just walking computers? Yup. Especially them. They may dwell in the realm of the mind but they think, a lot, about the pleasures of the body. And this is one area where thought alone most definitely does not satisfy them." So that's it, that's why I must continue. I have no choice or free will in the matter. I must fight the good fight, talk the talk and walk the walk. QED!
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